You Need a Third Party for a Marriage to Work

Saturday, 13th March 2010

A few months ago, we read about how golf wonder Tiger Woods cheated on his wife.

Just last month, we read about England soccer player John Terry cheating on his.

And then, just this week, the impact became even closer to home because Singapore's very own homegrown film producer Jack Neo, a father of four and married for 26 years, was also caught in a web of infidelity.

But what made the stark difference (to me anyway) between men like Tiger and John on the one hand, and Jack Neo on the other, is that Jack is a Christian.

Christians are supposed to understand that the wedding vows that we have made are not just made before mortal men, but before a covenant-keeping God.  What God has joined together, men is not to separate.

Well, Jack and his wife Irene were not Christians when they tied the knot.  They only became Christians very, very recently -- less than a year to be precise.  His affair with that 22-year old model started about 2 years ago, and all his other misdeeds were done before he came to know Christ.  But the moment he became a Christian and the Holy Spirit indwelled him, he began to realise that it was not right for him to continue with the relationship, and it was only a matter of time before he knew that he had to break off with that girl.  The Holy Spirit convicts the believer that his body is God's temple and not to defile it.

I watched the press conference and give my whole-hearted support for what he and Irene did.  They are considered one-flesh in the eyes of God, and their appearance together as a unit reflected that truth.  It was especially not easy for her to appear before the press and she fainted as a result.  But it took lots of courage on their part, and because they honour God, God will honour them.  Yes, the world may mock and scorn them and say that everything was staged, but God knows the sincerity of their hearts and will definitely cause something good to come out of all this.

So are all men pigs that are prone to stray?  My honest answer to that is yes.  Even the most decent-looking and family-oriented person like Jack Neo did.  And especially so if the man is in a position of power or influence.  Such a man has a tendency to think too highly of himself and his boundaries or out-of-bound markers start to become fuzzy.  What makes it worse is there are women out there who are attracted to men of status.

I remember when I was a manager at PricewaterhouseCoopers back in 2000 and was put in-charge of a million-dollar project involving the migration of shares from Singapore to Malaysia.  There was this intern (probably in her late teens) who was waiting to go to the university whom I would see practically everyday because meetings with the client were being held on the 17th floor, and she was working there as a temporary receptionist.  On her last day of work, she suddenly came up to me and asked me to take a photograph with her!  I told her politely that I did not mind taking a group photograph with her, but I could see disappointment in her face.

As a result of embracing the grace gospel, God has blessed me with a BMW.  While this is primarily the evidence to indicate to fellow Christians (especially those still in the law camp) that God can and does bless us materially, the "downside" is that people of the world (both men and women) tend to give such drivers a second glance, the former with envy and the latter with admiration.  That is why I chose to get an X5 (which is a family-friendly MPV) rather than say a Z4 (which is a two-seater convertible).

The problem with many marriages breaking down is due to expectations not being fulfilled.  The husband has certain expectations of his wife and if she does not meet them, the evil one will start putting thoughts in his head about this other woman who is "better" than his wife.  Similarly, the wife has certain expectations of her husband and if he does not meet them, the devil will likewise put thoughts in her head that perhaps there is this other guy who is more thoughtful than her husband.

So what is the solution?  This brings me back to the title of today's post.  We need a third party for a marriage to work -- and His name is Jesus.  Ecc 4:12 tells us that "a threefold cord is not easily broken".  Rather than placing expectations upon each other, both husband and wife should instead depend on Jesus to fulfill their needs.  He is more than able to do so.  And the sweet irony is that as we look to Him for fulfillment and draw nearer to Him, we actually end up drawing nearer to our spouse!

And this biblical truth is unveiled by Ps Joseph Prince in his DVD album entitled "Christ is the Centre of Happy Marriages, which you can check out at the following link:

http://www.destined2reign.com/onlinestore/p-1375-christ-is-the-centre-of-happy-marriages-dvd-album-ntsc.aspx

Meanwhile, let's keep Jack and Irene and their 4 children in prayer.  Many of the J Team staff and crew are not yet believers, and I believe God is able to supernaturally restore their marriage (now that both of them are Christians) and through their testimony lead others to Him as well.