Friendship Defined

Sunday, 7th September 2008

Those who have been following my blog would realise that I am a big fan of 1980s secular pop music. That was the era when I was a teenager with a face full of acne, and I would escape into the world of pop music. I even created my own music charts which I called Soundem (sound + M for Malcolm), and every single release by Kim Wilde would top the Soundem charts :-)

Well, twenty years on, I still find that there is no music that can compare to the music of the 80s. One such song that came about during that era was by a Christian artiste Michael W. Smith. He had a "crossover" (ie. a song released for the Christian music market that made the secular charts) hit entitled "Friends".

The chorus goes something like this

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Fathers' hands we know
That a lifetimes not too long to live as friends.

About a month ago, I was having a long conversation with a dear brother. He is fully aware of what I have gone through as a result of the grace gospel. At some part of our conversation, he asked me, "By the way, who are your friends?"

I paused for a moment, and then rattled out the names of those whom God had recently brought into my life -- such as Stanley, Douglas, Joo, Jeffrey, Kevin, et al.

[In fact, a handful of us had fellowship over lunch recently, and a photo was taken with my Samsung Omnia to commemorate that joyous occasion. ]

But it also dawned upon me that many others whom I had considered to be my friends even as recent as a year ago, can no longer be considered so :-(

I have blogged about this in The Cost of Discipleship.

Unlike my wife, who has friends that go back all the way to her Primary school days in Katong Convent, I have lost touch with most of my Primary and Secondary school mates. Sure, I have gotten reconnected with some of them on Facebook, but so many years have passed that we are no more than mere acquaintances.

As I reflected upon the situation, a tinge of regret started to come upon me. What if I had toned down my stand on the grace gospel? Maybe my cell would not have been disbanded. Maybe I would still be good friends with those in the 3L cluster.

Then I heard the Lord telling me, "Son, how do you think Paul felt when He first became my disciple?"

As I pondered over this, scales began to fall from my eyes. Saul was a Pharisee among Pharisees, and the most zealous upholder of the Mosaic Law. After his encounter with the Lord on the road to Damascus, he began to understand what God's grace was all about and wrote wonderful epistles expounding on that. He had effectively crossed over to the "Grace camp", so to speak, and many of those who were once his friends in the "Law camp" considered him their number one enemy who commited high treason.

Paul had to make friends all over again, and I am sure that God more than restored the quality and quantity of friends that Paul had after he switched camp.

And likewise, I know that God is going to do the same for me. Yes, I had built up strong friendships in my previous cluster and was even the cluster leaders' blue-eyed boy. Yes, I was serving in the LCEC and had good rapport with fellow LCEC leaders. After I was removed from cell and church leadership, there are some whom I thought were my friends who now treat me like a leper.

Take for example the cell leader who borrowed my LCD projector for his cell member's wedding who refuses to accept my FB friend request. Or that of another cell leader who plays the drums who removed me as his FB friend when he heard about what happened. That's what being law-based makes people do, folks. When we meet in heaven, it will be fun seeing how they can continue to avoid me :-)

But through this, God has revealed to me those who are true friends who stick with me through thick and thin, and who were there only because I used to be in a position of influence, and run for their lives at the first sign of foul-weather.

God has since brought others into my life, some of whom I have mentioned above. These are "quality" friends because they accept me for what I am, warts and all. Besides friends of quality, there is also going to be a quantity of friends because in a church of 20,000 there is no reason why God cannot cause even 100 (or a mere fifty basis points, ie 0.5%) to come into my path :-)

So I no longer feel any more regret because again we are back to Rom 8:28, where in all things God works for the good of those of love Him and are called according to His purpose.

In closing, let me leave you with something to ponder over. Michael W. Smith sang, " Friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them." So if a friend does not remain your friend because of adverse circumstances, then it begs the question, "Is the Lord the Lord of him or her?"