I have received feedback from concerned people regarding my relationship with my previous pastor.
We used to be very close, as we were both part of the same cell group.
However, things started to deteriorate when he discovered that I was a strong advocate of grace teachings.
Things have now reached the stage where he does not want anything to do with me.
The "flesh" part of me tells me to treat him likewise, but the "spirit" part of me has been telling me to continue to love him as a dear brother. After all, the grace message is not supposed to be just theory or head knowledge, but has to result in renewed minds and transformed lives.
To the extent that God loves us and extends His unmerited favour upon us even though we do not deserve it, we have to likewise love others unconditionally and extend grace to them ever though we may feel that they do not deserve it.
That is why I made a conscious effort to attend to his family's transportation needs when he was hospitalised back in Mar 07. I fetched his boys to their tuition and taekwando classes, and even took him home from the hospital when he was discharged.
I also filmed his farewell service in Jul 07, and took the effort to go down personally to his new office during lunchtime to pass the DVD recording to him (even though he was less than hospitable in receiving me, but that is another story).
The following email was sent to him in early-August:
-----Original Message-----
From: Malcolm Loh [mailto:mloh77@starhub.net.sg]
Sent: Monday, 06 August, 2007 7:23 AM
To: Pastor B
Subject: a time of reconciliation
Hi Pastor B
Heard from Peng Soon that there was a record attendance at Cairnhill yesterday.
Also read your blog. Looks like the congregation really looks forward to your ministry to them, and I am sure the LORD will use you mightily in taking the church to another level.
The other day, you had mentioned in your sms that it was not resentment you felt toward me, but avoidance.
It is interesting that this very word was also used by Danski (the CybeRanger Award winner on 17 Dec 06 and the one you have a link to on your blog)
http://danski.wordpress.com/2007/07/24/unforgiving-spirit/
I usually skip through the content of these devotion newsletter but this one caught my eye. Unforgiving spirit….. after a couple of minutes of reflection and a trip to get my daily morning fix of coffee, i must admit, i have a problem in forgiving people, not as in forgive forgive but once that someone did something wrong, i will avoid developing a further relationship with that person and keeping it as purely acquaintances that will have almost nothing in common to talk to day to day basis. As i was pondering on this issue of forgiveness, it is to me, more than just releasing the person from the charge of guilt over a wrong thing.
The scripture states plainly, two attitudes that must precede from a forgiving heart - a heart that reflects God’s mercy and grace, this we have all been taught alot on the subject of forgiveness, but there is another step we all must need to do - reconciliation. Reconciliation involves more than just the first step of releasing someone from a charge of guilt, but extending and mending the relationship between the two parties. Just as Christ has reconcile us to God through His death, in our death to self, we reconcile to each other and to God. Reconciliation helps to destroy all bonds of hatred because you cannot truly reconcile unless you have love for the other person.
I really treasure the friendship that we enjoyed prior to Jan 07, and hold the following incidents very dear to my heart:
• You accompanying me to my car to get the bottle of water when we had that 3L2 picnic at Botanic Gardens, and explaining to me how “missing rims” came about.
• Our long conversation on Skype where we chatted late into the night (or rather early into the wee hours of the morning).
Sure, we will always have our differences, but maybe we should focus on our similarities and somehow partner again for our LORD.
Feel free to let me know if you need to book a room at SICC or SGCC for any of the activities that you will be organizing for Cairnhill (I’m sure there are other SICC or SGCC members in the congregation, nonetheless my offer remains open).
So, dear brother and sisters, please do not misunderstand; I really do desire to be reconciled with him, because we are all part of Christ's Body. When one part of the Body hurts, the other parts are affected as well.
However, it takes two hands to clap, so both parties must be willing to come together for this to come to pass. The ball is very much in his court at the moment.
At the end of the day, I am sure that God will make everything beautiful in His time, so do please continue to remember us in your prayers.
I am looking forward to the day and holding on to the faith picture where he and I can embrace each other and say "I love you with the love of the Lord". :-)
1 comment:
Hi Mal
I have attached an article which I received from my subscription to "The Daily Encourager". The title is "Grace" and it has a very enlightening example of what grace is all about:
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Denise Bonderman
Sep 26, 2007
GRACE
I left work early so I could have some uninterrupted study time right before the final in my Youth Ministry class at Hannibal-LaGrange College in Missouri. When I got to class, everybody was doing their last minute studying. The teacher came in and said he would review with us for just a little bit before the test. We went through the review, most of it right on the study guide, but there were some things he was reviewing that I had never heard of. When questioned about it, he said that they were in the book and we were responsible for everything in the book. We couldn't really argue with that.
Finally it was time to take the test.
"Leave them face down on the desk until everyone has one and I'll tell you to start," our prof instructed.
When we turned them over, every answer on the test was filled in! The bottom of the last page said the following: "This is the end of the Final Exam. All the answers on your test are correct. You will receive an 'A' on the final exam. The reason you passed the test is because the creator of the test took it for you. All the work you did in preparation for this test did not help you get the A. You have just experienced... grAce."
He then went around the room and asked each student individually, "What is your grade? Do you deserve the grade you are receiving? How much did all your studying for this exam help you achieve your final grade?"
Now I am not a crier by any stretch of the imagination, but I had to fight back tears when answering those questions and thinking about how the Creator has passed the test for me.
Discussion afterward went like this: "I have tried to teach you all semester that you are a recipient of grace. I've tried to communicate to you that you need to demonstrate this gift as you work with young people. Don't hammer them; they are not the enemy. Help them, for they will carry on your ministry if it is full of GRACE!"
Talking about how some of us had probably studied hours and some just a few minutes but had all received the same grade, he pointed to a story Jesus told in Matthew 20. The owner of a vineyard hired people to work in his field and agreed to pay them a certain amount. Several different times during the day, he hired more workers. When it was time to pay them, they all received the same amount. When the ones who had been hired first thing in the morning began complaining, the boss said, "Should you be angry because I am kind?" (Matthew 20:15).
The teacher said he had never done this kind of final before and probably would never do it again, but because of the content of many of our class discussions, he felt like we needed to experience grace.
"But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ's gift." (Ephesians 4:7 )
Have you thanked your Creator today because of the grace you've experienced?
Denise Banderman
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All of us have passed God's test. HE has qualified us through the finished work of Christ. We are the righteousness of God in Christ.
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