Just Because

Saturday, 20th October 2007

I have mentioned in an earlier post about how my daughter had recently asked me for a plush toy of a character featured on PlayhouseDisney called Pocoyo.

To get an idea about what the show is, check out this video...



I did a Google search and discovered that only shopping sites in the UK carry it. I surprised her with the toy about a week ago, which leads up to the topic of today's post.

Having been a recipient of grace teachings for the past 2 years has radically changed my parenting style.

In the past, I used to tell my kids that if they did well for their exams, I would buy them a Nintendo GameBoy, or a Ninentendo DS, or a Creative MP3 player, etc.

Many motivational books would also advocate this type of reward system. I remember as an undergraduate having to study a subject entitled Organisational Behaviour, where we were taught about linking effort to performance and performance to reward.

I have now come to realise that as noble as these concepts may be, the fundamental premise is law-based! If one does good, he gets a reward. If one does bad, he gets a punishment.

As parents (and as a father especially), we are supposed to be earthly representatives of our Heavenly Father to our children. Having recently understood the nature and characteristic of our Abba Father as portrayed in the Parable of the Prodigal Son (which I blogged about here), I have come to realise that this should also be the way that I love my kids as well, so that through me, they understand the unconditional love of their Heavenly Father.

Many teenage children become wayward and rebellious either because they feel stifled by rules and regulations, or because they seek acceptance and to be valued by others. Boys join gangs to feel accepted by their peers. Girls get involved in boy-girl relationships prematurely because they long to feel valued.

As simplistic as this may sound, the answer to their problems is knowing the love of their Abba Father! When they realise how much God loves them, they do not need to seek acceptance by being in a gang or in the arms of a guy who is not ready for commitment.

And that is why I have started to shower gifts upon my children, not because they have been obedient, or because they have been doing well in their studies. I do so just because... they are my children, and I tell them so. This is to reinforce the point that I value and treasure them, and in turn, how much God values and treasures them. They do not need to do anything to earn my approval. Like what God the Father said to God the Son at His baptism even before Jesus began His earthly ministry, "You are my beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased."

And that is why I decided to get my daughter the Pocoyo plush toy.

I checked out her blog and found that she also wanted a pair of purple Converse shoes. Two Sundays ago, she got her purple shoes at a Comverse warehouse sale.

I happen to know also that she has watched High School Musical 2 ("HSM2") several times, hence I bought her a couple of HSM2 prepaid top-up cards (which came with a free HSM2 lanyard each).

Some of you may be accusing me of "spoiling" my kids by giving them things even though they have not earned or deserve them.

Well, my reply is that you are right and I stand guilty as charged. But would you dare say that God also "spoils" us in that He also gives us good things, even though we cannot earn nor deserve them? I don't know about you, but I want to be an imitator of God.

Others of you may be saying that I am passing down the wrong values to them. I wonder if you would say the same thing about Jesus then, that He was passing down the "wrong values" to the people of His time, when He portrayed the father shamelessly sprinting towards and then embracing his wayward son in the Parable of the Prodigan Son, or when he portrayed the owner of the vineyard as being "unfair" to the workers who had worked in his vineyard since the early morning when he paid them the same wage as the ones who worked for only one hour in the Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard.

And if you are still not happy with my parenting style, and feel that I should be instead be instilling discipline in my kids and getting them to fear me, lest they turn out to be spoilt brats, there are 5 words for you: "I don't give a rip."...

...which incidentally will be the topic of tomorrow's post, as I have just heard the latest sermon by Pastor Prince entitled "How to Walk in the Blessings of Abraham" and will be sharing my thoughts on it :-)

In fact, I find that my relationship with my kids has never been better, and they are obedient and well-behaved not because they want to earn the love of their parents, but because they know how much we love them and are responding to that love accordingly.

Come and see for yourselves whether my "spoiling" my kids has caused them to become selfish and spoilt. Au contraire, the feedback from both church members and teachers alike are that they are such a joy and pleasure to be and to engage in conversation with. Right believing produces right living...

Dear friends, the grace message is not just relevant for our own walk with God. It is relevant for every aspect of our life -- our marriage, our family, our career... everything! Amen?