Paideuo

Friday, 26th October 2007

I was watching the DVD sermon of "Health and Wholeness in the Holy Communion" the other day where Pastor Prince expounded on the word "paideuo" as found in 1 Cor 11:32.

[You can watch excerpts of that sermon here.]

The Greek word is literally "child-training" and this is translated into English in various versions of the Bible as "chastise", "admonish", "correct" or "discipline".

Ps Prince mentioned that the way God chastises or corrects believers is not by afflicting us with illness or sickness, but with His Word, so that we become more and more like Him.

Which is exactly what happened to me just a couple of days ago...

A brother of mine and I had recently been reconciled, which I blogged about here.

He sent flowers to my office as a gesture of wanting to be reconciled, and I reciprocated by treating him to lunch (and teh halia) the following day.

Having been reconciled with this brother, I thought it was high-time to be reconciled with my previous pastor. I did a Google search and chanced upon another blog he set up and left some comments on it, which I blogged about here.

These comments would be considered "provocative" by a neutral observer, given that this pastor does not embrace grace teachings.

Hence, what resulted was an "admonishment" by a couple of sisters (who are total strangers to me, by the way).

My initial reaction was to get very upset by their comments. I had thoughts like, "Hey, why are you finding fault with me? I am the victim here, remember? Why don't you direct your comments to my ex-pastor instead?"

I felt justified about how I was feeling, and my replies to them probably reflected that.

Having replied to them, I shut down my computer and proceeded to interact with my daughter. She is now in Primary 5, and I had told her about the 3 tough PSLE Maths questions, which appeared in the Sunday Times on 21 October 2007.

She had taken a total of 21 minutes to solve the 3 questions, and it was now my turn. Guess how long I took? 23 minutes :-(

I could not concentrate on the Maths questions because there was a sense of restlessness within me. Deep inside, I knew that what those 2 sisters said was right, but I was too proud to admit it.
Stubbornly, I decided to call it a night. I took off my specs, shut my eyes and tried to go to sleep.
But somehow, there was an absence of peace. That night, I had one of the most unrestful sleep, something I have not experienced for more than 2 years...

God was child-training me...

The next morning, I checked my email and found one that was sent to me at 11.57pm the previous night. It was a very long email from another total stranger called Lakshika (yup, yet another sister!), which I have gotten the permission from to reproduce in full below...

-----Original Message-----
From: Lakshika
Sent: Sunday, 21 October, 2007 11:57 PM
To: mloh77@starhub.net.sg
Subject: Some thoughts from a fellow believer...

Hello Malcolm,

My name is Lakshika and I have been following your blog for a couple of months. I attend NCC.

Your blog is pretty interesting - enough to keep me coming back almost daily. You write well! :) (How do I subscribe to your blog, by the way?)

For some time now, I've been thinking about dropping you a note. I even asked a friend of mine from NCC to read your blog and drop you a line because he went through a journey similar to yours. I thought that as a brother-in-Christ who has "been there", he could offer you some good counsel. I am not sure if he has done so.

Back to my reason for writing. When I first read your blog, I felt you were courageous to stand up for what you believe. And I still think so. However, as I was telling this friend of mine your story -I'll call him LK - as documented on your blog, he made a few remarks that gave me some different perspectives. I thought he made some good points.

He told me his opinion that if one could not submit to the leadership of his or her Church, they cannot be a blessing to her by staying there. Btw, my friend LK was also asked to step down from a position of leadership in his former Church. He eventually moved to NCC and is presently in a leadership role here too. In his case, I think his ex-Pastor could not accept charismatic teachings - or something along those lines.

Please know that I am not suggesting that you move to NCC, but rather, that you think carefully about your stand in publicly opposing your Pastor in trying to "change things from the inside".

While God is our final Authority, he has also placed men over us as under-shepherds -- something that I think you have recognized in earlier posts. It is their duty to care for the flock that God has given them and are accountable to God. I agree with one of the people who commented on your latest entry saying, 'let God deal with his Pastors'. I've heard Pastor Prince say the same thing. If your Pastor truly believes that his doctrine is correct, then he is right, as a leader to ask you to step down. To quote LK, 'That is leadership'.

I have no doubt that my own Senior Pastor would ask any cell-group leader who is sharing anything other than the gospel of grace to step down, to protect the rest of the flock. While personally, my life has been completely transformed for the better by the grace message, I have to accept that there are still many who may not accept it. I have to leave it to the Lord to work in their lives.

There may never be complete unity of doctrine in the Church, but the Lord alone sees the heart of His children. He knows how we are formed, what motivates and drives us, and also what can speak to us. The Bible says that the king's heart is in God's hands; he turns it which ever way he pleases.

You probably don't realize it, but to an objective reader some of your entries do convey an impression that you are still hurt over being asked to step down from leadership (and also at the actions of your ex-Pastor). Some of your entries - like the one where you displayed the cheque you wrote to NCC were frankly rather 'uncomfortable' to read, as it came out of the obvious hurt you felt at the time – and not just from your desire to bless out of overflow.

Feeling hurt is of course entirely natural. We are after all human and continuous 'works-in-progress', as you wrote. But as we grow in grace we become more self-aware - more open to criticism and also able to 'let go' easier. We know we are accepted in the Beloved and so our security comes from that. It's when we realise our emotions are running high that our own 'red flags' should go up. My own personal experience is that 'works' often follow high emotion - as I try to justify my position or my actions/words. It helps me to retreat into fellowship with the Abba for counsel at such times. Renewing my mind in righteousness by faith alone is a daily journey - now that I have the blessed knowledge that I am under grace. As I behold Jesus, I am transformed supernaturally.

Knowing God as 'Daddy' has also helped me to pour my heart and my hurt out to him, as David did, in times of trials. His peace always follows and empowers me to let go' of the hurt. (Very often to my pride). Ultimately, everything we do is all for the Lord's glory, so His grace alone will sustain us. Personally, asking myself 'why' I am doing what I am doing often helps me re-examine my own motives. Many times, I need to repent when I realize that 'self righteousness' has crept in.

We all have blind spots and not everyone will have the courage to tell us their honest opinion. This morning at the first service, our Senior Pastor was talking about how 'iron sharpens iron'. He said something along the lines that if we are only hearing 'good stuff' about ourselves, we need to find more friends! I may not know you, but through your writing you come across as a sincere person who loves the Lord. I don't mean to 'preach' to you and do hope you will understand the spirit in which I am writing this personal and confidential email.

While I am blessed by the majority of your entries, the few in which you shared about all the good stuff you did for your ex-Pastor, getting gifts for fellow leaders, waking up early to pray at 5am, were among the ones that were 'uncomfortable'. I think you will be able to guess why. I know that you know God sees how you have blessed others. Nothing is hidden from Him. He will bless and reward your good works, even if men do not acknowledge or appreciate any of your efforts. And surely our Father in Heaven shall provide another avenue for you to serve Him as you so desire.

I don't think I have written such a long, direct and 'opinionated' email as this to a complete stranger before! But like I said, you come across as a very sincere brother in Christ, going from glory to glory. I hope you will understand that I have no hidden agenda or motives in writing this. Please forgive me if I have unintentionally caused you any hurt.

Btw, it's great to read about how you are bringing your kids up under grace. They shall surely grow up to be champions in the Lord.

Have a blessed, favour-filled week ahead.

Abba's abundant blessings,
Lakshika


I was like Jonah, running away from what God was telling me through Peggy and Sharon, and God was now speaking through this email from Lakshika to child-train me.

As I read her email, tears just flowed freely down my face. I realise that I had not surrendered my hurts regarding my relationship with my ex-pastor to the LORD, and what was manifesting was the works of the flesh.

I seek the forgiveness of you readers out there. Here I am promoting the grace message, yet there I was not living it out in my dealings with my ex-pastor (and even justfying what I was doing). I hope I have not stumbled too many of you as a result, and make you lose hope in the gospel of grace.

I thank God for Peggy, Sharon and Lakshika for responding to the Holy Spirit's prompting in admonishing me and pointing out to me my blind spots. Please continue to keep my relationship with my ex-pastor in prayer, and also continue to point out to me areas in my life that do not line up with the grace teachings.

Thank you Lord, for paideuo-ing me with Your Word!